


I Am Human and I Need to be Loved

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Drama, F/M, Friendship, Humor, post-episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-16
Updated: 2011-10-16
Packaged: 2017-10-24 16:14:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/265442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"There is always room for adventure.  Now I actually want to make some room for ever after."</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Am Human and I Need to be Loved

**Author's Note:**

> **SPOILERS FOR PAINLESS.** This season is really making me want to write about them as (a little more than) friends. I love what simmers under the surface with these two, both in my imagination and occasionally on screen. The title is from The Smiths song, How Soon is Now, which is Emily Prentiss’ favorite (in my head). I didn’t want to go with a song lyric but it just fit perfectly.

“I love you too.”

Hotch pulled Jack’s door up but didn’t close it. He didn’t like to be closed in; it was something his father understood perfectly. He stood in the hall in front of the door for a little while just looking at it. He wanted to hold Jack, protect him, but he knew he needed to let him be Jack as well.

Hotch would keep an eye on the situation with Paul, talk to the teacher, talk to Jessie and Sam…they would get through this. He was six now and there was more to come over the years. Taking a deep breath, Hotch walked backwards a few steps. Then he turned and walked into his living room.

Emily was sitting on the couch, drinking the last of her fruit punch. She’d had a great Friday night with the Hotchner men. It had been completely unexpected too, which made it more fun. She was about an hour from heading home when Hotch caught her in the kitchen.

 _“Do you have plans tonight, Prentiss?” he asked quietly, hardly moving his lips._

 _“What do you think?” was her cheeky counter._

 _“Well there's someone who would really love to hang out with you if you're not doing anything.”_

 _“I'm there.” she could barely contain her smile. “What's the plan?”_

 _“We’re probably going to just have pizza and watch a movie. It’s been a bit of a crazy week for both of us so tonight is all about relaxing.” Hotch said._

 _“I find it difficult to turn that down. What time should I come?”_

 _“Right around seven would be great.”_

 _“Should I bring anything?” Emily asked._

 _“No, Jack and I have it all under control.” Hotch went to leave the kitchen. “I'll see you there.”_

So she came over tonight for pizza and Pixar. Jack loved The _Incredibles_ and though Emily had seen it five times with him, that didn’t matter to either of them. They still sat on the couch with a big tub of popcorn and enjoyed the movie. Hotch enjoyed it too, but enjoyed the company even more so. If Emily had seen it 5 times he had to have seen it 50.

It was much more entertaining to watch Emily and Jack laugh, cheer, and reenact scenes. When she was gone they didn’t do things like that together. It was his special thing with Agent Emily…and Uncle Sam during the right movie. After the week Hotch had, this really was the perfect ending.

“Is Jack alright?” Emily asked.

“He says Paul isn’t mean to him.” Hotch sat on the couch. “I think he means that sincerely. I'm just going to keep an eye on things. We talked to Haley tonight.”

“It’s been a while since you’ve done that.”

“I know.” He nodded. “Jack said he didn’t want to make me sad. The whole thing is sad but that doesn’t mean we don’t do it. Its important to me that Haley remains a part of this.”

“I know.” Now Emily was nodding.

“You just said that in your tone.”

“What?”

“Don’t tell me that you don’t recognize you have a tone?” Hotch asked. “Oh wait, you didn’t think I would recognize it.”

“I know that I have a tone. I just didn’t think I was using it. That wasn’t my intent.” Emily said.

“The tone isn’t always bad. You were definitely using it though.”

“Hotch…”

“Face it, I know better than you when you're using the tone.”

“That’s ridiculous.” Emily rolled her eyes. “And stop calling it ‘the tone’ like it’s a superhero or a soap diva.”

“Tell me what you're thinking.” He said.

“Aaron,” she took a breath. “I'm not going to overstep my bounds. You're Jack’s father and I'm just…”

“You're just what? You’ve never had a problem expressing what you think. I want to know.”

“I've never lost a spouse or a parent. I can't begin to know what you and Jack go through on the daily basis.”

“That’s not true; you’ve been here.”

“You never let go.” Emily said. “I understand that but…do you mind if I have a clove?”

She wanted to change the subject. This wasn’t a conversation they should be having and Emily didn’t even know how they got there. Getting up from the couch, she went over to her purse sitting on the desk by the window. Maybe she would put a Ziganov in her mouth instead of her foot. It had been such a good evening; no need to ruin it now.

“No, I don’t mind.” Hotch shook his head. “I know it’s been a long week.”

“I don’t just smoke because I'm stressed. I think I would do it much more if that were the case. It’s not easy to explain but it’s a part of me. It’s a part of my ritual of coming down from any day, good or bad. Thank you though.”

“For what?” Hotch asked. He got up from the couch as well. A cup of tea was a good way for him to end the long week.

“I know you don’t like smoking.” Emily said.

“Your clove a day habit has nothing on my father. He smoked a pack and a half a day for as long as I can remember.” Hotch cleared his throat. He felt his stomach lurch just bringing up his father. “Did you find yourself smoking more in Paris?”

“No, not really.” Emily cracked the window as she lit up.

He’d been the only one who talked to her about what she did during her time away. The conversations and statements had been vague but he was still the only one. She was back now and everyone wanted to focus on that, or their feelings. That was OK; it wasn’t as if Emily didn't think of them when she was gone. But Hotch wanted to talk about her. She wasn’t sure if it was his profiler instincts or something else. She hated that she wasn’t sure.

“I was so wound up a lot of the time; felt as if I was coming out of my skin. Nothing helped to calm me down. Why keep doing something if it doesn’t help?”

“I ask myself that more than you know.” He replied.

They were quiet for awhile. Emily smoked her clove, looking out onto the dark street. Hotch putted around in the kitchen with a million things on his mind. Nothing came out of his mouth, which was probably for the better. The quiet between them wasn’t tense; it could be that way sometimes.

Never in his life had Hotch been so close to someone but so far away. That was the story of Aaron Hotchner and Emily Prentiss. It had been that way since the moment she showed up in his office. Hotch didn’t want it to be that way anymore.

He didn’t know how to change it but he knew he lost her once. He wasn’t going to let her go again. So many changes were happening…in his team, in the world, even in his life. He and Emily needed to change too.

Emily sighed, shivering when a cold breeze moved through. The nights were cold for early October. Morgan told her that it had been a mild and rainy summer. Paris had been rainier than usual too, which made up a little for missing DC so much.

It couldn’t stop her from missing everyone she loved. She dreamed of her friends, her family; little Jack Hotchner who was hardly little anymore. Paris was the kind of place so many people wanted to run to. For Emily it had been a virtual prison.

“The tea is ready.” He said, shattering her thoughts.

“I’ll be right there.”

She took one last deep inhale of her clove. Exhaling slowly, Emily closed the window and walked back into the kitchen. She ran the burning cigarette under the faucet. Once she was sure it was out, it went into the trashcan under the sink. Emily joined Hotch at the table with a smile.

“Can I ask you what you missed the most when you were gone?” Hotch pushed the bowl of sugar cubes across the table.

Emily laughed and he gave her a quizzical look.

“What? Did I say something funny?”

“The Sugarcubes.” She laughed again. “I had forgotten until the exact moment you pushed them across the table. One night, about a year ago maybe, I was here with Jack. I was telling him about The Sugarcubes. He went running to the kitchen and he came back with this bowl. He said ‘I love Sugarcubes too, Agent Emily’.” Tears started forming in the creases of Emily’s eyes. “Wow, its funny what brings back memories.”

“Yes, it is. You never told me that story; not even after it happened.”

“Well it was a great story. I'm sorry, you were asking something else and I'm off on a tangent. Go on.”

“I was just wondering what you missed the most while you were away.”

“You,” Emily closed her eyes and cleared her throat. She dropped two sugar cubes into her tea, stirred, blew, and sipped it. A little more sugar would be nice but she didn’t need to go there tonight. “I missed you guys. Even though we all try to do our own thing, it’s so true that we’ve become family.

“I missed DC; I missed the rain falling outside my living room window. I missed George, a lot. I missed my dad, Nat, and coffee dates with Penelope. I missed light saber fights with my favorite little Jedi. The list is endless really. I was lonely, Hotch. I swore to myself that I would never be lonely again but I was wrong. I wanted to come home…consequences be damned.”

“I blame myself.” He shook his head.

“I really wish you wouldn’t do that.”

“I can't help it. I try, I do, but what right did I have to permanently alter your relationship with the people you care about the most.”

“I like to think you did it because you care about me.” Emily replied. “You didn’t want Doyle to kill me, and I was severely injured. Hindsight is 20/20; you should let some things go. I think that’s what we’re all trying to do. Even Spencer and JJ are talking again.

“You did what you thought you had to with a split second to decide. I did the same six months later. I mean, how many people actually get to come back from the dead? There were things I wasn’t doing in my old life that I plan to do in my new one.”

“Like what?” Hotch asked. He sipped his tea too but found he was anxious to hear her answer. Everything was changing and he struggled to keep up. Emily had always been just out of his reach. Was she running even faster now?

“Well there will definitely be more sleeping in. That was one thing I came to love in Paris. I'm going to read more books, relax more, and spend more time with my parents. I plan to take vacation days. And I will actually go on vacation when I use them.

“I want to take long drives down country roads.” She moved her hand over the air like it was a winding road. “I want to be kissed, Hotch; I want to be adored. Its silly but I don’t care. I want to dance and sing and skip, even if I look like an ass.

“I want to drag a friend who never takes off work away from it all. I'm getting older you know; I want to settle down. There is always room for adventure. Now I actually want to make some room for ever after. I'm starting Sunday.”

“What's happening on Sunday?”

“I have a blind date. Oh my God,” Emily covered her eyes. “I know I shouldn’t prejudge that it'll suck but I'm already doing that. Still, I refuse to make up an excuse to cancel. What if it’s my future husband? I just need to go and have fun. JJ hooked us up…she worked with him at the DoJ. We’re going to have pancakes and get to know each other.”

“You're going on a date.” Hotch said it aloud so it could make more sense to him.

That didn’t really help. He didn’t have the balls to ask her out, why should he discourage some man from enjoying her company? Emily was fascinating. She spoke different languages and knew so many things about many subjects. She loved music, books, movies, philosophy, and everything in between.

She could practically recite _Star Wars, The Thin Man_ , and a handful of Woody Allen films. Her smile was amazing. No man in his right mind would turn down an evening with her. That didn’t mean it was fate but there were many willing to try their luck. There was one who was scared to death.

“And JJ knows me very well so here’s to hoping it’s not a dud.” Emily held up her teacup as if toasting. “He seems to fit the profile.”

“The profile?” Hotch raised an eyebrow.

“He's tall, dark, and handsome…according to JJ. He’s educated, witty, doesn’t spend too much time talking about himself, he's cultured, and has nice hands. I'm a hand girl. He’s 51, divorced father of two, New England born and raised. It’s worth a shot. I eat brunch as often as I can, on Sunday I won't have to eat alone.”

“Well good luck.” He didn’t know how he managed the small smile but he did.

‘Thanks.” Emily smiled too.

“You mentioned something about getting older earlier.”

“Yes I did.” She nodded. “Something is probably starting to droop as the seconds tick by.”

“I got you a birthday gift.”

“My birthday isn’t until Wednesday.”

“I know but um…I’d like to give it to you anyway. You're here and, I’d like to give it to you.”

“OK.”

“Wait right here.”

Hotch got up and quickly walked back toward his bedroom. Emily had no idea what to think. He’d gotten her little things here and there before. There were tickets to the ballet, cards, journals once or twice, and he even bought her a subscription for _Vanity Fair_ two Christmases ago.

Those magazines looked great on her coffee table next to _American Photography_ and _National Geographic_. She wondered what he was hiding in his bedroom, of all places. Well, that didn’t mean it was special. It only meant he hadn't had a chance to take it to the office. Her birthday was 5 days away after all.

“Happy birthday, Emily.”

She looked back as he came into the living room and then the kitchen. He carried a gift-wrapped box, handing it to her before sitting again at the table.

“What is it?” she asked.

“Really? You want me to answer that. You could just open it; same results without ruining the surprise.”

“How do you even know I like surprises?”

“I'm a profiler.” Hotch replied.

“Oh,” she nodded. “Yeah, there is that.”

Smiling, she tore the purple wrapping paper covered in balloons from the gift. When she saw it, Emily gasped. She gasped and then squealed. Then there was another squeal before she jumped up from the chair, cheering some. She covered her mouth so she wouldn’t wake Jack.

But the jumping up and down went on for a moment or two. Hotch could only sit and watched, amused at the display. He’d never seen her do anything like that before. He’d seen Emily excited, he’d even seen her ecstatic. But jumping up and down and squealing…that was a new experience. It wasn’t altogether unpleasant.

“Oh my God, Aaron, this is for me?”

“Yes.” He couldn’t help but smile, his dimples poking holes in his cheeks.

“Its wonderful.” Emily threw her arms around him, but gasped and moved away before he could do the same. “I'm sorry.”

“You're sorry for hugging me?”

“I just…oh my God, this is so awesome.” She hugged the boxed set instead.

Hotch bought her _Complete: The Super Deluxe Collector’s Box_. It included all eight Smiths albums on CD and LP. There was also 25 LP singles, artwork, high-quality album covers, a DVD of all of their music videos, and a poster of the band. Emily had actually been reading about it on Amazon.com. She had considered ordering it, was going to order it, but somehow she forgot about it.

“I'm so glad you like it.” Hotch was still smiling. “I thought for a milestone birthday you should have something that was meaningful to you.”

“This cost…”

“Let’s not talk about cost.” He shook his head. “It’s a gift. And your happiness is worth more than what I paid for the boxed set.”

This time Hotch closed the distance between them. He put his arms around her, pulling her to him in a hug. Emily was still clinging to the boxed set but she leaned her body on his as he held her. She pressed her face into his chest, inhaling the scent of him. He smelled so damn good it was ridiculous. There was soap, a little sweat, popcorn butter, tea leaves…all mingled together to be distinctly Hotch.

“Happy birthday, Emily Prentiss.” he whispered against her temple.

“Thank you.”

She didn’t want to but Emily tried to move away. Hotch was still holding on though. He kissed her temple, then her forehead, and finally her nose. He shivered when he kissed her lips. It wasn’t quite passionate but it couldn’t be called chaste either.

It reminded Emily of the first time Gabriel Cohen kissed her…tentative but tender. There wasn’t much time to savor it because it was over before it started. But it happened. Emily knew he kissed her and it wasn’t a figment of her imagination.

“I should probably go.” This time she did move out of his arms.

“I'm glad you came tonight.”

“So am I, Aaron.” she smiled even though she looked at the linoleum and not him. “Do you mind if I peek in on Jack before I go.”

“No, of course not.” He shook his head.

“Excuse me.”

She was cool as she left the room but Emily spent a few minutes with her back pressed up against the wall in Hotch’s dark hallway. He couldn’t see her. She needed to take a moment to collect herself and her thoughts. It was probably better not to read too much into that kiss. There was something in her that wanted to but it wasn’t the best idea.

Four years they’d been friends and he’d never kissed her before, not even on the cheek. But she’d been gone, dead, for six months and Hotch blamed himself. She didn’t want to be cared about because of guilt. It was also a kiss in the process of giving a gift and it didn’t count. Penelope told her that years ago.

Still, while not being entirely privy to his personal life, Hotch had been divorced for four years now and a widower for nearly two. He wasn’t kissing a lot of women. If only because he had so little time, Aaron Hotchner wasn’t kissing a lot of women. He kissed her tonight.

Getting herself together, Emily went to the end of the hall and pushed the door open just a bit. Jack was in full little boy sleep mode. His mouth was partially open. He lay on his stomach but his limbs were outstretched almost like a starfish. She wondered what he dreamed about.

Was it soccer, polar bears, or even being with his mother again? Was he a superhero in his dreams, a champion skier, maybe Billy the Kid? Emily couldn’t help herself so she crept into the room, put her hand gently on his head, and then leaned to kiss him goodnight. After that she left, picking up her purse in the living room on the way back to the kitchen. Hotch had cleaned up their tea and put her birthday gift in a Macy’s shopping bag.

“I don’t know how I'm going to thank you for this birthday gift.” She picked up the bag.

“I just want you to enjoy it.” Hotch replied.

“I might be up all night listening to it. You're going to force me to put on my _The Queen is Dead_ tee shirt and dance around my room to _Sheila, Take a Bow_.”

“I’d probably get more of a kick out of that if I knew what it meant exactly.”

Emily laughed. Even when the sound faded, the smile remained.

“Walk me to the door.”

She didn’t know why she said that, he always did. Hotch did what she said though and they walked to the door together.

“I'm glad you came tonight.” he said.

“I like to be invited. One can never overdose on Pixar and pizza.”

“So, I’ll see you on Monday.”

“Yes.” She nodded. Emily hugged him again. Something about it felt right even though her heart was beating so fast she feared it would leap out of her chest. “Goodnight, Hotch.”

“Goodnight, Prentiss. Have a nice time on Sunday.”

“Thank you.”

She unlocked the door, turned the knob, and walked out. Hotch stood just outside his door watching her go down the hall and out of the building like he always did. He wished he could walk her to her car. He and Jack always would if she left before his bedtime.

Alexandria wasn’t a high crime area but Hotch still looked out for Emily. It was what a gentleman would do and he was teaching his son to be a gentleman. He didn’t know if he was teaching Jack to fall in love with Emily Prentiss. It seemed as if he’d done that all on his own. What was his father’s excuse?

***


End file.
